Walt Disney Failed Herpetology

If you support the Mickey Mousecapade of lies that is Disney, I suggest you cover your Mickey Mouse eyes and ears and alt+f4 this page immediately. If you desire truth in herpetology then keep reading and pull out your Toy Story edition etch-a-sketch 'cause it's time to take some notes. After years of being misinformed I am no longer a devout mouseketeer. I am now a scientist and my eyes have been opened to see Disney's utter disregard and appreciation of our knowledge base brought forth to us by our herpetological forefathers/mothers. 

Before I delve into Disney's main offense, I need to surface their history of herpetological inaccuracies present in the stories we all loved as a child. The following are select examples (from an endless list) of Disney's history constituting the willful misleading of future herpetologists:

1. The Princess and the Frog. 

MYTH: Disney claims kissing Bufo bufo will turn it into your personal love-slave. 

FACT: I kissed a toad, got slime all over my lips, now no one wants to kiss me...

2. Monsters, Inc. Randal the "lizard." 

MYTH: Lizards can have up to 8 legs and utilizes camouflage ability.

FACT: While some lizards have adapted the ability to blend in with their background, no lizard has evolved more than 4 limbs.

3. The Jungle Book. Kaa the snake. 

MYTH: Snakes can hypnotize animals with their eyes. 

FACT: I've perused the field guide and NOWHERE does it mention this...

4. The Little Mermaid. (not a herp, but still a lie)

FACT: If mermaids exist, they are human-like creatures scantily-clad in seashell bikinis. 

MYTH: If mermaids exist they'd most likely resemble apes of the aquatic variety.

As we can see from countless examples, Disney has been quite mislead throughout their ventures of storytelling. Today, I'm calling out Shia LaBLUFF in Disney's "Holes." This story follows the life of a wrongfully convicted youth sentenced to dig holes in Texas as punishment. Throughout the duration of the film holes portray the desert as a hole-punched silhouette, but the most prominent hole in their story is the snake-lizard hybrid they dub the Yellow Spotted Lizard. 

Fig 1. Film adaptation of yellow spotted lizard

When I first saw the "yellow spotted lizard" I was in shock. Disney discovered a new reptile species native to Texas, yet, had yet to inform proper authority. This lizard was seemingly capable of running completely on its hind legs, displayed fangs that rival Agkistrodon contortrix and sported brilliant, lemon-yellow spots perhaps indicative of their poisonous capability. I immediately had to understand everything about this species so I did a quick Google search...

 

Fig 2. Lepidophyma flavimaculatum. Actual yellow spotted lizard

The rush of excitement I had experienced when I first saw what Disney had displayed on screen dissipated faster than this semester. Not only did Disney fail to identify Australia's native Central Bearded Lizard, Pogona vitticeps, to confuse you even more they painted/CGI'd the damn thing! They accurately captured some traits of P. vitticeps. Like in the movie, this lizard does hiss when threatened and uses behavioral defense mechanism e.g. beard inflation. Unfortunately, there's not enough correlation to make an accurate guess of what creature they were trying to portray.

Fig 3. Pogodon vitticeps

Once again Disney has disgraced herpetology. The physiology, biomechanics and features of their lizard are not consistent with any extant or extinct herp known. Ironically, their lizard was portrayed as venomous. Ironic because Disney's venomous lies are still being injected into minds of the world's impressionable youth. Stay informed and educate your children or Disney will gladly do it for you.